Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Creamy roasted carrot and garlic soup with parsley whipped ricotta

I've been contemplating a healthier diet for the past few weeks. I tend to make meals in which meat or fish is the star, so I'm on the lookout for adventurous vegetarian mains and sides to expand my repertoire. One thing I will not do, however, is cut out sweets. I'd rather die. The Cookie Monster and I have that in common.

See, I don't believe in a life of deprivation. I deprived myself of enough food in my adolescence to make up for years of being a chubby kid, and once I became an adult I learned that both eating and exercise can be fulfilling endeavors as long as you're not doing it to prove a point. I've gained and lost weight, eaten more than I should and less than I should, exercised daily and then only when I felt like it, but it's never changed who I am. My strong constitution, my happiness, my sense of humor remain forever the same. I won't deprive myself of the pursuit for good food any sooner than I will relinquish the love of family, abstain from affection, mock sincerity, or give up on hope even when it is dashed. My best self and my true self are one and the same- always here, always now.




Monday, February 21, 2011

"Red-eye" poached egg and grits

Breakfast is by far the best meal of the day. In no other setting besides a cruise boat are you more encouraged to stuff your face with fat and carbs, then sink into a thick coma with a prayer of bacon of your lips. Heck, we have a word for breakfast that you eat at lunch and one for breakfast that you eat at dinner. Brinner may not be in your lexicon, but I'm sure you can appreciate the motivation behind it; and when that motivation happens to be fresh eggs from my mom's coop, then that's when I go to town.


Saturday, February 19, 2011

Roasted carrot buttermilk ice cream sundaes with brandied ginger butterscotch and honey lemon walnuts

One of my last jobs involved creating new ice creams weekly for an ice cream/sorbet trio that was on the bistro's menu. Since then the only times I've gotten the machine back out was first to impress this jerk I dated, and now to get myself back in the game. One of the problems I have with baking at home is I'm compelled to bake far more than I'm willing to eat, the result of which is a full-ass freezer rather than a full ass (bloops, too late). Also, you have to have friends to take it off your hands, friends who don't do that "Oh, you're trying to make me fat!" bullshit. These are easy to come by if you choose wisely and throw the food at their car as they drive away.


Thursday, February 17, 2011

Get brown-wise

Myriad varieties of brownie have been made over the years- boxed, from scratch; nuts, no nuts; iced, cheesecake. I don't get it. Why can't we let brownies be brownies? The brownie is the prototype for all chocolate desserts. It is, simply, chocolate, flour, butter, eggs, and sugar. When we go mucking about with nuts and jams and zest and (ugh!) marshmallows and that awful cream cheese mess we swirl onto the top that says "cheesecake" but doesn't come close to tasting like it, we lose the meaning of the brownie.



About a year ago, I tried Thomas Keller's Ad Hoc brownie recipe for the first time, and I've never gone back. They are the perfect compromise between fudgy and cakey- almost contradictory, like a dense chocolate mousse. They are, in fact...the Henry Clay of brownies.


When you read you begin with ABC, when you bake you begin with rolling your sleeves

Back around Christmas, my mom and sister asked me how to make cookies. When I began to give them the recipe, however, I realized that it would take much more than a recipe to explain how to bake. Not only do you need to know some fundamental rules; you need to know when to break them in order to enjoy the activity, which brings me to my first and most important rule:

If you're not having fun, stop. Home baking should never be something to stress over. If you feel yourself losing your nerve, sit down and have a glass of wine before you return to the kitchen. If you're completely defeated, quit! No one is going to judge you more harshly than you do yourself. Once you get back your confidence, you'll not only bake better; you'll be better.

Bring all your ingredients to room temperature. Don't be afraid to leave eggs and dairy out on the counter! Listen, I know salmonella is a thing...but is it, really? Sugar denatures the proteins in eggs, essentially "cooking" the harmful bacteria out of raw dough. When your ingredients are the same temperature, they just work better together. Cold retards the chemical and physical processes necessary for successful baking.

Taste what you make before it goes in the oven. Not only is it delicious, but it gives you a good sense of what the finished product will taste like. When you get better at baking, you will develop the ability to tell how your product will turn out just by looking at it. Proper initial consistency and flavor are the two key elements to proper final texture and taste.

Make a mess. Admittedly, this has been a problem in my professional life. Keeping clean and organized is a sign of respect to your coworkers, yourself, and your food. At home, I just don't give a damn. I'm constantly coming up with ideas as I work and acting on those ideas whether I know they'll turn out or not. As a consequence, my countertops are near constantly covered in a dusting of flour or cocoa, and I have at least three kitchen appliances out at one time. Despite my attempts to change, I always revert to the mess. The mess makes me feel accomplished, happy, and comfortable in my clumsiness. The outside world can be harsh to my kind, but in my kitchen, I am queen.

Scrape dat bowl. Between every stage of mixing, scrape your bowl and paddle down thoroughly with a spatula. This helps incorporate bits of the mixture that may have gone rogue during the first go-round.

Butter and flour your pans. Nothing's worse than a good brownie that won't come out.

Invest in silicone baking mats. You will never have to grease a cookie sheet again.

Wash up. I don't just mean your hands; your pots, pans, measuring cups, mixer, and spatulas, too. I may be messy, but I always clean up afterwards. Butter and dairy pick up even the slightest off flavor left behind from a previous project. Egg whites fail to whip in the presence of fat.

Measure properly and sift! I'm not joking. Baking is not an improvisational endeavor until you're really good at it. Sifting does three things: adds volume to the dry ingredients and thus the baked good, sorts out any bits or clumps, and equally distributes chemical leaveners such as baking soda or powder. Depending on the recipe, I will sift up to four times.

If possible, move your shit to a cooling rack. Cookies, cakes, brownies, and bread continue to cook once they have come out of the oven. Even if your product is done when a knife has come out clean, it may overbake if you leave it in the pan for too long. Once you've ascertained that the product is stable enough to be handled, flip it out.

Finally...

Chill, bitch.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

The one where I save my herbs from certain death

The worst thing about buying herbs is you get one or two uses out of it before the freshness starts to fade, and you're left with an entire bunch rotting into that fetid dark green mucus at the bottom of your crisper drawer. Suck.

Fortunately, I become a martyr when it comes to saving the unsalvageable, so in near tragedy, I hold out one vain hope: to put that shit in a blender and purée the fuck out of it. Tonight I remembered there were just such asshole herbs in my fridge, so put that shit in a blender did I, and purée the fuck out of it I did.

Herb Purée

Leafy greens of the offending herb (parsley, cilantro, basil, tarragon...caveat: no woody herbs like thyme or rosemary, this recipe works best aesthetically with brightly-colored ones)
Juice of half a lemon
A pinch of kosher salt
Canola or any neutral-flavored oil (olive oil is too aromatic and will mask the flavor of the base herb)

Place all ingredients in a blender with the exception of the oil. Switch on the blender and slowly pour the oil in a thin, steady stream until the mixture turns into a green paste.  When you can run your finger through the mixture and it falls back into itself, the purée is ready. Divide it into small ziploc bags, and refrigerate overnight- if not using the next day, freeze until needed.

Now comes the fun part sort of! Save the stems and steep them in a broth or stock. Use the purée as a garnish for soups, sauté shallots and blend both into softened butter as an accompaniment to thin white fish fillets, spread it on sandwich bread, or blend it into a simple white wine or cream sauce. Or...hang on, I can't talk anymore. Cookie Monster is on Top Chef All-Stars, and it is making my life. How come no one on this show can ever make a damn dessert?

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

If a white girl writes a food blog, does anyone care?

Over the past few years, I've been making all kinds of mistakes- throwing myself at the wrong guy, starting jobs and failing miserably at them, moving to new places and quickly tiring of their bullshit. One thing I've always done right, though, is bake, cook, and eat. Besides becoming obsessed with TV shows, memorizing the lives of celebrities, and mocking those same lives, it's about all I can do. When I step into my own kitchen, I feel my clumsiness, my self-doubt fading away like Nick Cage's credibility or hair- I mix and knead and burn and spill with abandon, spouting delighted expletives at my victories and reckless chortles at my defeats. Now I'm bringing you bitches along for the ride.