Cold lime buttermilk souffles

Like anyone who's worked in a restaurant kitchen or bakery and is also the clumsiest person on Earth, I've learned how to deal with food disasters quite well. Yesterday as I was finishing the decorations on a cake I began far too late, the fondant bow I had set to dry the day before crumbled in my hands. Bakery closing, I had no choice but to embark on a new course for Good Enoughton. The same happened to me this morning while unmolding the souffle I made the night before- and again, improvisation was my saving grace. When dealing with these situations, you have two choices: scrap the lot and tell the consumer, or pull some magic out of your ass and pretend that was exactly what you meant to do all along.

I'm always amazed when things turn out well for me, considering how many dozens of times I've royally fucked up desserts, cakes, and even entire meals. Whenever anyone compliments my food, I'm reminded of an abbreviated stage I had in a Savannah restaurant during which the rolls I made failed to rise properly more than once, molten chocolate cakes for a New Year's dinner came out all different sizes and stages of doneness, strawberry sorbet wasn't strained for seeds, and, the kicker, my hip knocked into the cupboard containing the chef's awards and shattered a heavy glass number into a million sad pieces on the kitchen floor. He sent me home with a check and a renewed sense of self-loathing, and I was fired the next day.

Cold lime buttermilk souffles

5 large eggs, separated, room temperature

1 cup granulated sugar

3/4 cup lime juice

1 packet gelatin

1/2 tsp cream of tartar

1 cup buttermilk

Chocolate curls

Beat the egg yolks with the sugar on high until they are pale yellow, stiff, and fluffy.

Warm the lime juice in the microwave for about 30 seconds and gently pour it into the egg yolks. Continue to whisk.

Pour the gelatin into a cup with 1/4 cup cold water, and let it bloom (set) for about five minutes. Warm the gelatin in the microwave for about 10 seconds. It should be fully liquified, but not hot. Pour this into the whisking egg yolk mixture. Take it off the mixer and place into a large bowl. When you run your finger through the egg yolks, it should hold its shape for five seconds.

My hands are dyed from working with black fondant, don't worry.

Put plastic wrap over the surface of the mixture and place it in the fridge while you prepare the egg whites.

Whisk the egg whites and the cream of tartar on medium until foamy, then set on high. The whites will look stiff, but they are not quite done if you upright the whisk and the peak flops over.

Your egg whites are done when they peak straight up to the sky!

Fold the buttermilk into the yolks until smooth, then fold 1/3 of the egg whites into the yolk/lime mixture, and finally the last 2/3. When you fold, work from the bottom up, and twist the spatula in your hand as you cycle the yolk mixture upwards.

When the mixture is relatively uniform, pour it into small dessert cups; or do like I did and pour it into a big mold that makes the souffle plop like a cow pie onto the plate.

Chocolate curls

6 oz good-quality chocolate

2 Tbsp Crisco

Over low heat in a small saucepan, heat chocolate and crisco together until just melted.

Pour in a small, square tupperware container lined with aluminum foil.

Place in the refrigerator for 2 hours or more.

Unmold the chocolate, placing one flat side on a cutting board to anchor it. Using a vegetable peeler, pull it across the length of one side. Repeat! Apply liberally to the lime souffle.

EDIT: my coworker just texted me and said that I left the walk-in fridge open last night...and so it begins again.