Expensive-ass bouillabaisse with rouille and stuffed mushrooms

March Madness brings out the worst in people. I pull for Chapel Hill because I like the feel of the place, and my sister is a soon-to-be-graduate, but this is the once instance in which I hedge my emotions for fear of losing my mind. Shit tends to get superficial very quickly, and turns personal even quicker. I try to stay within the realm of "Go Tar Heels" without resorting to personal attacks on Duke fans, among them my boyfriend, his family, and several friends of mine. I know it's fun to provoke friendly competition, but shit-talking without a sense of how ridiculous it all is in the end means you're taking life entirely too seriously. Come on, guys. Don't be dickholes. Eat some bouillabaisse instead.

Bouillabaisse with rouille and stuffed mushrooms

2 Tbsp extra virgin olive oil
2 large yellow onions, diced
1 navel orange
1 Tbsp fennel seeds
Saffron
1/4 tsp cayenne pepper
1 28-oz. can San Marzano diced tomatoes
1 lb. salmon fillets
1 lb. shrimp
1 small can, snails
1 lb. snow crab legs
2 cloves garlic
1/2 cup chopped parsley
1/2 cup rouille

Heat a large stockpot to medium and add the oil. Add the onions and cook until translucent. Throw in the fennel seeds and saffron. Peel the orange with a veggie peeler, being sure to miss the bitter white pith, and throw the peels into the mix. Cook for five minutes more.
Pour in 3 cups of water or fish stock (I used the red snapper stock I made from roasting the fish for pozole), and the can of tomatoes. Bring to a boil, reduce to a simmer. Cook for 20-30 minutes more. The  soup will thicken slightly, and the robust flavor of the orange peel and fennel will have time to come through. As they say on Top Chef, making soup is all about building flavor through time and heat- bouillabaisse especially, as it is traditionally brought to a boil several times throughout the process.
Cube the salmon fillets and toss them in the pot with the garlic and parsley. Allow the fish to cook for at least 10 minutes, then add the shrimp, snails, and place the crab legs on top.
Cover the pot, turn the heat down to low, and let it stand for 8-10 minutes. Serve with rouille.

Rouille


1 cup mayonnaise
2 Tbsp lemon juice
1 clove garlic
1 1/2 Tbsp dijon mustard
1 pinch crushed red pepper
1 pinch saffron

Place all ingredients in a blender and blend vigorously for about a minute. Dollop a large spoonful onto the stew.

Stuffed mushrooms


16 oz. cremini mushrooms
2 Tbsp. extra-virgin olive oil
2 Tbsp butter
1 shallot
1/4 cup yellow onion, small dice
Few sprigs of thyme
1/4 cup chopped parsley
3/4 cup panko bread crumbs
Zest of 1 lemon
1/2 cup grated parmesan cheese, plus more for topping

Preheat the oven to 350F.
Rinse the mushrooms very lightly. Mushrooms' flesh is very porous, and they absorb water like a motherfucker, so don't wash them as you do other vegetables. Remove the stems gingerly.
Brunois the stems (cut them into a very small dice). Brunois the shallot as well.
Put the oil and butter into a pan on medium-low heat and saute the shallot and onion until translucent.
Add in the brunoised stems and the thyme leaves, along with a pinch of salt and fresh black pepper.
In the meantime, place the caps on a cookie sheet right side up. Sprinkle with oil and place in the oven for about 10 minutes. When the caps come out, there will be a considerable amount of juice released from their meat. Pour this liquid into the sauteing stems. Bring the heat up to medium and saute for another 10 minutes.
Remove from pan and let cool. Add the parsley, cheese, and breadcrumbs, and fill each cap with a mound of the mixture. Bake for another 5 minutes, remove from the oven, and grate more fresh cheese on top.
Serve as an appetizer, or put on top of a bed of your favorite greens (mine is arugula) along with a large squeeze of lemon and a few drops of oil.

This dish is not for the light of pocket. Saffron has long been the most expensive spice on the planet by weight, due to the amount of care and fuckery it takes to harvest. Saffron comes from the stigma of a special type of crocus flowers, hand-picked by Spanish virgins whispering the refrains of the Wu's Protect Ya Neck. 


Very precious. Very precious, indeed.