Chinese pulled pork and fresh, sweet slaw

I've been cutting down on carbs for the past month, have been avoiding sweets, and just began the Couch to 5K program with my boyfriend.

Who exactly in the fuck have I become? I'll tell you who: a meat-guzzling, vegetable-cramming nuthouse who looks at sugar like that kid who eats play-doh at recess. Not kidding, this summer I'm going to be eating so much meat I'll see blood. People blood.

Chinese pulled pork


1 3-4 lb pork shoulder
1/3 cup kosher salt
1/2 cup molasses
7-8 garlic cloves, unpeeled
4 Tbsp hoisin sauce
4 Tbsp fermented bean paste
2 Tbsp liquid smoke
3-4 cups Coca-Cola
1 large yellow onion, diced
1 serrano pepper, diced, seeds and ribs included
2 tsp crushed red pepper flakes

Remove the pork from its wrapping, and place in a large bowl. Cut deep slices in the flesh and insert garlic cloves.
In a large saucepan on medium-low, combine the salt, molasses, and 4 cups water. Heat until the salt is almost dissolved, and pour on top of the pork. Cover the bowl with saran wrap, and rest in the refrigerator overnight.
The next day, combine 2 Tbsp hoisin, 2 Tbsp black bean paste, liquid smoke, Coke, onion, and peppers in the bottom of a crock pot set on high. Remove the pork from the refrigerator, take it from its brine, and place in the pot. Cover and simmer for 7-8 hours.
Take the pork from the crock pot, set it in a large bowl, and pull apart with a fork. Add the rest of the hoisin and the bean paste, and mix together.

Sweet slaw


4 medium carrots, peeled
1 large red bell pepper
1 medium head napa cabbage
8 oz shiitake mushrooms
1 Asian pear
2 green onions
handful cilantro
1 Tbsp black sesame seeds
1 clove garlic, minced
1 inch gingerroot, grated
1 serrano pepper, ribs and seeds, diced
1/4 cup lime juice
1 Tbsp fish sauce
1 Tbsp rice wine vinegar
1 tsp sesame oil
1 Tbsp sour cream

Julienne the carrots. Remove the ribs and seeds from the red bell pepper, and julienne.
Slice the cabbage head down the middle without cutting off the base. Cut each half in half the same way, and slice into 1-inch ribbons.
Rinse the mushrooms lightly, remove their bases. Thinly slice. QUESTION: did y'all know raw shiitakes taste like blue cheese? I had a long "Say whaaaaat!?" at that'un.
Peel the pear, quarter it, and slice into long, thin, vertical slices.
Chop the green onions on the bias down to the light green part.
Place all of the above in a large bowl, along with the cilantro and black sesame seeds.
In a separate, smaller bowl, combine the rest of the ingredients. Whisk. Pour into the larger bowl, and toss the slaw. Serve alongside the pulled pork.